In an era when technology connects us like never before, WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialised, Rich, Democratic) parents are ironically experiencing greater isolation. The disappearance of the traditional 'village' that once supported families has had a significant impact, affecting both practical support and parental mental health.
In the US, 62% of parents report that parenting is more challenging than expected, with about a quarter (26%) stating it’s been significantly harder (source: Pew Research). Research indicates that a third of new parents feel lonely often or always, and studies from the APA reveal that parents with children under eighteen experience higher levels of stress, with an estimated 5 million facing burnout.
Modern child-centric parenting styles, including ‘Gentle’, ‘Positive’, ‘Conscious’, and ‘Mindful’, all rooted in developmental psychology and attachment theories, contribute to this stress. Parents are increasingly pressured to conform to these methods, fearing they may inadvertently cause harm to their children. Unfortunately, the time and labor-intensive nature of these parenting styles often correlates with poor mental health among parents, with 46% of millennial parents practicing gentle parenting reporting feelings of burnout (source: Children’s Hospital of Chicago).
In May 2024, the US Surgeon General declared an epidemic of parental burnout, asserting that parents' well-being is directly tied to their children's well-being. This statement classified burnout as an urgent public health issue, highlighting that 41% of parents often feel so stressed they cannot function and that 48% find their stress overwhelming.
The influence of social media exacerbates these issues, with comparison culture driving parents to feel as though they are failing. Data shows that 85% of parents believe social media leads to unrealistic parenting expectations (source: Children’s Hospital of Chicago). Isolation and shame stemming from these pressures may prevent parents from seeking help, as noted by the APA in July 2024. The #gentleparenting trend, introduced in 2015 by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, has amassed over 286.6 million TikTok posts and 985,000 Instagram posts at the time of writing. According to the US Surgeon General, these unreasonable expectations have left many families feeling exhausted and perpetually behind.
Shifting Narratives
In response to these challenges, there has been a reimagining of traditional parenting methods, led by the recent ‘Trad Wives’ movement promoting extreme domesticity. While these portrayals of domestic bliss can appear appealing, one of the many concerns is they may also deepen feelings of inadequacy among parents who feel they are falling short. In contrast, new communities are emerging to counteract the comparison culture accompanying traditional motherhood ideals. These movements challenge societal expectations, internalised gender norms, and prevailing myths about parenting.
Online forums like Reddit's ‘regretful parents’ (143K followers at the time of writing) and TikTok’s @kelleydaring (104K followers at the time of writing) have provided safe spaces for parents to articulate their honest feelings about parenthood. A survey revealed that one in 12 British parents regrets having children, with those aged 25-34 expressing the strongest regret. Despite this, societal expectations create a cultural taboo around such sentiments. The anonymity of online platforms encourages parents to break the stigma and seek help without fear of judgment. Kelly Daring, the prominent voice in this space, articulates the importance of discussing these feelings:
“We do women, especially young women, a disservice by not telling them the whole truth about the various life paths available to them, including marriage and motherhood. Regret is an acceptable emotion in every other area of life. Why must we pretend it doesn’t exist in parenthood?”
Similarly, clinical psychologist Dr. Caroline Boyd highlights that the pressure to parent perfectly exacerbates emotional struggles. One in three new mothers reports feelings of intense anger, which conflicts with the Western ideal of a ‘good’ mother - someone who is 'calm, coping, and in control.' This narrative contributes to feelings of shame among parents. Dr. Boyd runs workshops aimed at addressing these issues and - due to high demand -released a self-guided course in October 2024.
Alternatives to Gentle Parenting
Changes in parenting practices across generations are nothing new, and a nascent cultural shift is emerging away from gentle parenting.
Dr. Becky, known as The Millennial Parenting Whisperer by Time magazine, has introduced a new 'Sturdy' parenting model to her 2.9 million Instagram followers. In August, she launched an AI-powered app designed to reduce parental stress and enhance connections, offering personalized strategies and scripts for common parenting challenges.
Dr. Becky describes 'validation and boundary setting' as the two pillars of sturdy parenting. The app provides guidance on conflict areas like phone use, social media, sibling rivalry, and bedtime routines. Additionally, it uses a chatbot to offer immediate support for parents navigating daily tantrums, enabling them to prioritize their mental health.
Another parenting style gaining traction is 'Lighthouse' parenting, introduced by American pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg. Scheduled for publication in March 2025, his manual outlines an authoritative style that combines rules with warmth. Positioned between helicopter and gentle parenting, a Lighthouse Parent serves as a reliable guide, providing safety and clarity without micromanaging their child's experiences. Dr. Ginsburg suggests that this balanced approach can lead to better mental and emotional health outcomes for children.
In contrast to intensive 'helicopter parenting,' the 'benign neglect' style is rising in popularity. Inspired by comments from actress Jennifer Garner, this approach encourages children to face low-stakes failures, boredom, and problem-solving independently. By allowing kids to experience and embrace mistakes within a safe environment, this style fosters resilience, self-esteem, and adaptability.
Replacing the Village
The old proverb 'It takes a village to raise a child' highlights the importance of a supportive network in creating healthy environments for children. The WEIRD (Western, educated, industrialised, rich, and democratic) parents of today face challenges in raising children without traditional cooperative childcare systems.
Despite reports of declining birth rates, governmental responses have been slow. However, changes are on the horizon. In 2024, various initiatives aimed at holistic parental support were introduced, addressing issues ranging from childcare affordability to mental health. For example, the UK’s Flexible Working Bill became law in April 2024, following a campaign led by Anna Whitehouse, also known as Mother Pukka, and supported by Sir Robert McAlpine. In Hong Kong, the extension of maternity leave has been linked to a 22% reduction in perinatal depression. In Canada, a government-backed social experiment is offering subsidized childcare at a rate of C/$10 a day (£5.50).
However, much more remains to be done, and in the absence of robust government support, businesses can step in to assist parents. Retailers have the opportunity to foster communities for parent consumers by providing platforms and spaces for connection. By creating environments where parents can share experiences and suggestions, brands can address the needs of modern families. Furthermore, brand messaging should reflect parents' authentic experiences. Companies that distinguish between parental love for their child and the job of parenting itself will resonate with a receptive audience. Messaging that supports and legitimises the parenting experience will appeal to those who often feel isolated and undervalued by society. Additionally, retailers can expand their reach by marketing parent-related products to include extended child-rearing circles, creating a more inclusive approach.
The backlash against gentle parenting stems from concerns that it may be overly permissive and potentially foster entitlement in children. Recent research has also pointed out the unrealistic expectations that gentle parenting can impose on parents, making it challenging to implement consistently, particularly under stress or with limited resources.
New parenting initiatives and styles demonstrate a shift toward more comprehensive support systems that address the needs of both parents and children. Evolving societal narratives are helping create a more authentic understanding of common parenting challenges, contributing to a reduction in feelings of isolation and loneliness. These alternatives to intensive parenting reflect the diverse and ever-evolving challenges that modern parents face, providing them with tools that align better with their daily realities.